There is no manual for Motherhood

Motherhood doesn't come with a manual. It should. It should be a standard, one size fits all way of doing things. I know, I know...all babies are different. What works with one might not work with the next. Different personalities...different tempers....different shitting (sleeping?) schedules. But it would be so much easier to be able to open a book, flip to the section titled "Why is my child being an asshole" and figure it out in five seconds.

Don't get me wrong... my babies are amazing compared to some stories I have read. Of course...we haven't hit the "terrible twos" yet with Cain. We are currently going through the "ornery ones". Teenage girls don't have anything on a one year old with limited vocabulary who can only throw things (including themselves) and hit to show their frustration. Oh yeah...and scream. I forgot the screaming. So. Much. Screaming.

We live in a "kinder, gentler" world. People frown upon certain parenting styles. It is true. For example... When Daddy takes the kids to daycare or picks them up Cain will walk in or out of the building. Momma has to carry him. If Momma doesn't carry him... So. Much. Screaming. So I decided that this was no longer acceptable and that he was going to walk and he was going to like it.

As he sat on the floor for short spurts screaming his bloody head off...I got judged. I got judged by parents passing by to pick up their babies. They looked at him...at me.. and pursed their lips in disapproval.  I got judged by teachers that came out of their classroom to see what was going on and then offered to carry him for me. Every day I would give in eventually out of embarrassment mostly. Did they think I was a shitty parent for letting him scream? It felt that way.

But then one day I decided enough was enough and we were gonna walk all the way to the door no matter how long it took. How long did it take? 12 minutes. 12 minutes of screaming like his life was about to end as he sat on the floor in the hall outside his classroom. I left Eberly in her seat half way down the hall and sat halfway between her and Cain. After five minutes I sat with him and pulled him onto my lap ( which he did NOT like...he was mad at Momma and threw himself back on the floor...but I was there and gave him a kiss then went back down the hall and sat). He flopped over like a fish and chilled on the floor in the middle of the hall and screamed. Parents came by. They looked. They formed opinions but I held my ground. A teacher came out and picked him up. I told her to put him pack down because we were working on something. She didn't look happy about that but she complied. Annnnnd he screamed. There was one Mom that came by that said she understood and she had to do the same thing. I think that is what kept me going.

At 12 minutes I had about enough so I stood up and said, "Bye, Cain... Momma loves you. Bye bye!" I picked up Eberly and I walked away. He stood and started to follow me until a teacher came out of a room. But he took her hand and walked with her all the way to the car (I tried to take his other hand but Captain Pissed at Momma Pants yanked the hand away).

Today he walked into the hall, took my hand after a brief whine, and walked all the way to the front desk before he got distracted and started walking the wrong way. So I picked him up at that point because I was in a hurry. And he cried because I wasn't letting him walk. While walking the same Momma say us and said, "He is having a much better day! Good job, Cain!"

No manual for Motherhood. I wish there was. I wish there was a chapter entitled, "How to get your kid to walk without acting like you're dragging him to the slaughterhouse". It would have been a time saver, really.

And if there could be a chapter on "How to get your kid to stop immediately sticking his hands in his shit while changing him" that would be great too.